Managing Anger: Mastering a Foundational Skill

Why Anger feels uncontrollable

Anger is often experienced as an intense emotion, making a person feel the need to take action right here, right now. For this reason, I often describe anger as an action emotion. Like the term suggests, anger motivates us to react immediately; usually to resolve a perceived problem, reduce or eliminate a perceived threat (physical or emotional), meet an unmet need, or address a value that was violated. In some sense, anger plays the role of an individual's justice center psychologically. When an individual becomes angry, the immediate response is to right the wrong they perceive or ensure safety.

When a person becomes angry, it can often feel like going from 0 to 100 in an instant. However, here is what is happening within the seemingly instantaneous experience. Once the antecedent, or triggering event, is experienced, the brain immediately registers said event as threatening (real or perceived; physical or emotional). Once registered, the part of the brain that functions as the emotional alarm system, the amygdala, is activated. In most cases, when anger is triggered, the amygdala is the first component that reacts, well before the rational part of the brain fully processes the event. This means that the initial perception of said event is likely to be first experienced through the lens of anger. When anger is activated, the body experiences physiological responses such as an increased heart rate, rapid, shallow breathing, muscle tension, and increased blood pressure. Here, the body is preparing to take action; either to fight or avoid. At this point, action tends to be taken before the event is fully processed by the rational part of the brain. This is because the signal sent to the rational part takes more time to reach than the signal to the emotional alarm system. In other words, by the time a more in-depth evaluation of the event is made, the brain has already labeled the event as a threat, making the body ready for action.

The process by which the amygdala is activated is documented to take 10 to 30 milliseconds. To put that into perspective, that's faster than the blink of an eye. For additional perspective, it can take 100 to 300 milliseconds for the rational part of the brain to process what actually happened.

There IS Hope

For many people who experience anger, it can feel like they are angry before they even realize they were. This is a valid experience considering the internal process the brain undergoes. This also validates concern that anger feels uncontrollable. The process IS quick. Too quick to catch and manage once activated. However, by mastering this foundational skill, you will be able to manage anger and intervene in this seemingly instantaneous process.

Managing Anger: The Foundational Skill

Physiological Awareness

Although the process of anger seems quick, in truth, it appears this way because of a lack of awareness. For many, it is also difficult to determine and identify the degree of anger in order to know when to intervene before reaching the point of no return. The point of no return is when a person experiences intense emotional arousal to the point that they become dysregulated, making it significantly less likely to engage in healthy behaviors. A more reliable method of assessing the degree of anger is through practicing physiological awareness. As stated previously, there is a physiological experience occurring while a person experiences anger emotionally. The physiological part of anger is much easier to detect and identify because it is not as abstract as an emotion. In addition, depending on the intensity of the anger, the physiological symptoms are often proportional. This makes anger identifiable on a scale from 0 to 10, with 10 being that highest level. The practice is to first reflect on moments when you felt anger that was a 5 out of 10. Next, recall the physical sensations you experienced. You can ask yourself questions such as:

• Where did I feel the anger in my body?

• Did I feel tension in my muscles or head?

• Was my heart racing?

• Did I feel hot? Where did I feel heat?

• Were my hands shaking?

Identifying what a 5 out of 10 feels like is crucial to managing anger. This is because a 5 is the start of the point of no return. Now that you know what a 5 feels like physically, you are more aware of, and can more accurately identify, what below and above a 5 feel like, also known as differentiation. With this awareness, you can detect when you are approaching a 5 out of 10 by simply relying on the physical sensations you're experiencing, also known as detecting escalation. The goal of this technique is to become more skilled at catching yourself before you reach the point of no return. When a person is below a 5, they are still regulated and connected enough to the rational part of the brain that they can make wise and healthy decisions.

This technique is the foundation of managing anger because of the awareness it affords: choice. Intense anger and the lack of awareness of escalation, create an experience where choice doesn't seem to be available due to the quickness of the process. Here, you are able to regain the choice to act in a manner that is healthy for you.

Final Thoughts

For many who struggle with anger, an automatic thought in managing it is to suppress it. However, suppressing anger is like punching a hole in the wall and covering it with a painting; it's still there even though it isn't given any attention. Not only does this not address anger, it significantly reduces awareness; the awareness to detect when anger is activated and escalating, to recognize it early enough to intervene, and to choose how to respond, all before reaching the point of no return. When there is no awareness of anger escalating, there is no choice consciously available. In this sense, anger is not the enemy nor the problem; losing the opportunity to choose is.